I love adventure. I will travel every opportunity I have. I move from places to places. Unfortunately my relationships suffer because of my lifestyle. The longest relationship I have lasted for up to 3 months only. I have like 10 different boyfriends by now.
I suppose in order for me to have a stable relationship, I may to give up my lifestyle as a traveller cum explorer. I dont think I am willing to give that up as yet. Yet my heart yearns for love. Oh how I wish it could be easier.
Is there a lack of trust that causes my relationship to fail? Yet I rely on my fellow explorer in an adventure whether it is to hold a rope for me or to keep an eye on me. I put my life in strangers hands during an adventure, why cant I trust my own boyfriend.
There must be something hardwired in my head that have caused me to lose faith when come to relationship matter. Yes I have had bad experience when I was young. Since then, subconciously I get into the pattern of not giving my all in a relationship. I become selfish, afraid to be hurt.
I know I need to change my pattern, I dont know how. At least I am taking my first step out by being aware. I know with faith and concious awareness, I can do it.
Wish me luck..
Hey Paula
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your heart so openly. If this is a cry for help I do know what will help. I have come across a man named Danny Silk he teaches on relationships and how to live in true intimacy. You can get free podcasts of his stuff, or hear him online at youtube. the best thing i think would be to buy his 8 CD teaching for relationships.
My wife and have been married for only 4 months now and the level of intimacy that we share is largely because of the tools we learnt while listening and laughing hysterically at Danny's funny and socaily revealing jokes.
This im sure will help you.
Regards
Ben Runciman